Sunday noitcelfeR

 Posting a day late because I still haven't learned how to reckon with cancer meds.

You'd think, given it's been two years since I rang the bell (signal for last chemo), I'd have figured out that I can't do more than one thing a day and not pay for it. I'm still taking Tamoxifen, and it's still wreaking havoc on my body.

I played a parade on July 3 that started past my bedtime, so that wiped me out. I had not yet recovered on Monday, when I walked the length of the Haddonfield Parade blowing my bugle, and then had to walk all the way back as well to my car. We then went to my son's pool party and spent a wonderful day, but once again came home long past my bedtime. 

This past weekend, I played a long parade on Saturday, followed by my granddaughter's 3rd birthday party. Yesterday was drum corps rehearsal up in Nutley.

People tell me I'm an inspiration, I'm a warrior, I'm a badass.

But I don't feel like a badass. I feel more like a drag-ass. 

I try to keep in mind Paul's very Buddhist comment about being content in all things. Life is suffering, which is caused by desire; if we stop wishing for things, we'll stop being disappointed.

The King James translation of the Bible occasionally gives serendipitous twists. One I keep in mind is, "Lo, I am with you always." The word 'lo' in there is a poetic misdirection; the better word is "remember." 

But for me, it's my inspiration when I say it, "Low, I am with you always." It reminds me that even if I'm feeling low, I'm not alone.

So my reflection this week is to learn to accept my changes and be content instead of resentful.